Blue, Who, and what to do...

I often find myself wondering about my fasination with this strange TV show. I'm 40 years old for god's sake! I should be taking over the world or something, not wasting time watching something I've seen so many times before or spending more money on more damn plastic crap made in China and to be hidden away in a box.


I've watched Who since I can remember. I'm sure I can rememer Tom Baker's first story, Robot, and have definate memories of the Ark in Space and the green bubble-wrap maggot man. Hiding behind the sofa was no use here, terrified I ran and hid in the downstairs toilet, and in such a rush managed to break the toilet seat. I cried when Sarah-Jane left, got frustraited when Leela left (but got to go, and stay, on Gallifrey!).


I'm a big fan of the older stories, and I'm remembering now the Five Faces of Doctor Who repeat season on BBC 2 in the build up to Davison's arrival - that was when I really became a fan. I can remember watching An Unearthly Child, The Krotons, Carnival of Monsters and Logolopolis [hold on, that's only four, oh yes, and the Three Doctors... but that's still only four faces...] as if it was yesterday, and they are all firm favourites. This was before video, and it felt really special watching these old stories, almost like travelling back in time itself.

With the arrival of Peter Davision I was hooked, becoming a Doctor Who Monthly subscriber, probably triggered by reading the Target books, which I avidly collected, and exploring those stories which you'd thought you'd never get to see ever again. [Indeed some of them we wont get to see ever again - I'm fascinated with the missing episodes and their stories, and love the narrated TV audio soundtracks, which has lead me into the world of the Target novelisation audios.]

Back then my folks were'nt too keen on me spending all my spare money on something they saw as a passing phase. 'It won't last' they'd say, and perhaps my stubornness to prove a point became self-re-inforcing. But, my Dad was good enough to get me tickets and take me to the 20th Who anniversary thing at Longleat, which was truely amazing. I slowly got addicted to collecting Who stuff, and when I had the money ended up spending studpid amounts on deleted videos to catch up on my collection. And those last few damn target novelisations!


But what is it that makes me want to watch, again and again, the same stories when I know what's going to happen? I do have some memory issues, which makes watching something so familiar quite reasuring. But there's a particular phase I go through when I find myself 'Whoing'. I suffer from chronic depression, of cycles of self destruction and phases of slow rebuilding. Now I'm not saying that you have to have mental health issues to be so addicted to a TV programme - but it helps. It's during these regular cycles of rebuilding where I find myself revisiting Who, and using it as a tool to get myself back up and running. It's my escape, time off from myself, but it also becomes my vehicle to get busy doing something, reading, listening, watching and thinking about something which is, in the end, just a TV show, but, somehow, something which can get you thinking about all sorts of strange stuff. [Although parrallel universes are giving me some headaches at the moment thought. I just don't believe there's a different universe out there following every different decision or direction that every different person, animal, vegetable or mineral has randomly or otherwise taken over the history of the universe. Come on, is there really a different universe where I arrange my Target books in date of pubication (and their numbering) rather than the TV story order? I would never happen I tell you!]

My shrink just thinks I have too much time on my hands. And so have you probably if you've read all this!

Lists, and lists of lists

Way back when Peter Davison was the Doctor, and a young innocent Who fan was beginning a never ending obsession, it was hard to get your hands on Who. Doctor Who Monthly was the only source of information for many. There were no constant repeats, no internet, no videos and no audio stories, so no way of seeing or knowling old stories unless you where mates with a film collector.

When Jean-Marc L'Officier´s ´Programme Guide´ books came out, in 1981, it was a big leap forward for us Whovians who needed to know every detail of our addiction. But for me it still wasn´t enough, and I used to find myself making list after list, of stories, directors, writers, companions, monsters, books and mechandise (which I would illustrate with little sketches), indexing my DWM collection and generally keeping myself out of trouble. If something, or someone, appeared in Who more than once, then it was worth a list. I even tried to put every Who story in order of its date setting, which must have taken me ages.


Now we have access to so much material on the net and in books (some bright spark even published his list of lists, which I bought twice), we don´t know where to look first. And I´m still making lists - although they are a bit more advanced than my pencil and paper lists of old.

This blog is a tribute to making lists, and lists of lists, but now with links, photos and pics to help find whatever it was you were looking for but forgot when you got distracted by reading this.

I´ve a bit of an addiction with lists, and nowdays I find myself making lists of all sorts of things, even developing databases of useless information in my bid to give organisation and order to the chaos. I guess (in fact I know) it must reflect some mental disposition, but frankly I´m better off not knowing which one, as I might have to start making a lists of those as well.

Perhaps I´ll make a list here sooner or later...

Escapist Control Freak

Meglos, a classic megalomanic (or is it the Doctor? Or a cactus? Pure genius that - in how many shows do you get a cactus trying to take over the universe?!)

I´ve chosen my online blog moniker as it reflects my personality. Just as Magnus, the War Chief, is a megalomanic control freak, so am I. Just as he´s a delusional escapist, so am I. Well, just a bit anyway - despite the apparent contradiction.

I guess this is why Who holds appeal for me. It is pure and simple escapism from everyday life, from the reality we are all constrained by. It´s a chance to fantasize, to daydream of other worlds and civilizations, to hope for something better and give meaning to the meaningless.

I also guess that this desire to escape comes from, or hand-in-hand with, the desire to control. Now I´m not saying that I´d like to control everything and everyone, but it certainly drives me up the wall when I see things being done wrong, or badly, and I want to make it better, just like the Doctor. So perhaps, given the chance, I´d have a go.

For me it´s a search for "Quality", that metaphysical concept core to Robert M. Pirsig's ´Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : An Inquiry into Values´. The classic megalomanic´s desire to control the world, or conquor the universe, is not led by a desire to be evil, to dominate or to opress in itself (although I admit it can be easily percieved as such), but instead to make things better, to manage the unmanagable mass of independent actions and beings which seam to be so random and haphazard in their direction, and to unify them towards a percieved value or greater goal. It is when societies have their backs against the wall that individuals like these are at their most potent and powerful - in the fight to unify and survive. But it can also come out of a desire to improve and evolve.


The Master, here played by Roger Delgado, and the ultimate control freak - although not necessarily very successful at it given the number of chances he´s had and the fact he has a time machine...

For me, it is an essential part of human nature. Without these driving forces I doubt we would have progressed to the lofty levels of civilization which we so value today. Nor would we be in the mess we are in. It is what makes us fight for values that we uphold, to draw lines and say no, this is not the way to go. Turn left, not right...

However total control is totally impossible, and that´s where the desire to escape begins to manifest itself. If you can´t control, then hell, escape - it´s the only option, especially if you´re a control freak. Run away into your delusional world of fantasy and embrace your megalomanic side. It´s healthy. Well, more healthy than drinking yourself drunk or taking drugs. They don´t help at all, and I talk from personal experience.

So praise to Who and its multiplicity of megalomanics... we love them all, and secretly, deep down, despite our love for the Doctor and the values he upholds, we´re all as mad and crazed as any of the megalo´s portrayed in Who. Well, I know I am anyway.

All this is, I think, especially relevant to the current story arch in Who. The 10th Doctor, in his omnipotent rise in power and control, is slowly becoming as mad and bad as the forces which he fights. Bring it on, for we all know a good baddie never dies, but always escapes to fight another day. And lets be honset, the Doctor is the biggest megalomanic of them all. Well, at the moment anyway.